Being your best………..today
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Written by Janet Ashfield
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I have to admit that until I was nearly 23 I didn’t want (or even like)
children, then one day in my early 20’s I turned into a desperate
broody woman overnight, one who needed to have a baby NOW. How did
that happen? No one was more surprised than I was. At 23 I gave birth
to my son John but broody had not disappeared and 15 months later
Rachel was born, I was content.
I hadn’t had a great education or career and being a mum was the most satisfying thing in the world to me in my 20’s. Sadly my marriage did not last and after the divorce, in my 30’s with the children at school, I set about studying for a degree and then re-entered the work force, climbing the career ladder whilst studying at the same time - at 40 I started my own business.
Why do I tell you all this? because at 43 I became a granny - wonderful!
However despite having studied psychology, counselling, life coaching and NLP, having lived, made mistakes, learnt and grown, I often find myself thinking ‘if only I knew in my 20’s what I know now’!
I am not saying I was a bad parent, but as you might expect life experiences and studying means that I feel I could do it so much better now! Time gives us the opportunity to consider how our own parents brought us up and to make choices about what we would copy and what we would change.
So just what would I do differently? here are some top tips I learnt along the way:
1. Parenthood does not have to mean losing your individual identity. Don’t allow yourself to become ‘Lucy or Jacks’ mum or dad, you have a name use it. It is very easy to lose yourself in parenthood, it does not last for ever and the time flies by and you wonder where it went.
2. Parenthood does not mean that you are now the sole carer for your child for the next 18 years. All children at all ages need experiences from a variety of people and situations (which of course are all vetted by you first). Give them the chance to grow and socialise, you cannot provide it all.
3. Allow your child to be an individual - not what you need them to be or what you were not. Your child is an individual let them be who they are, watch them develop as an individual and celebrate!
4. The best thing you can do for your child is be the best person you can be. If you are a tired or ratty parent, one who needs time out, one who would sooner be at work or not at work, one who is resenting their partner, one who never has enough time, one who cannot get to the gym, one who is worried about the numerous pressures of being a parent, find a resolution, there really are answers to the issues you have, sometimes you just can’t see them, so phone a friend, ask around, get a different perspective.
5. At any one moment in time you can only be the best you are at that moment, there is no future, there is no past, just that moment. Wow! Quite a thought isn’t it? Take a minute to think how much time you spend worrying and fretting about the past or predicating the future and not living in the moment? Life can pass you by without you even noticing if you are always in a different place. Enjoy every present moment of your child growing and developing, you only get one chance.
I hope the above helps OR I hope the above gives you food for thought.
Janet Ashfield (BSc Hons) runs her own successful Life Coaching and Training company Mpowerme. www.mpowerme.co.uk
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